It's been six years since Melanie met Raymond. After leaving the party that night the two were inseparable. It had only been a week since they'd started dating, when Melanie asked him to move-in. At first, things were going well. She was extremely happy and Raymond treated her like a queen. But, what she didn't realize was soon her world was going to change for the worse. The nice, kind, gentle and loving man she had come to know. Would soon become a ugly monster filled with jealously, rage, terror and anger.
One night while preparing dinner, Raymond was extremely drunk and asked Melanie to bring him a beer while he sat and watched TV. Melanie was tired and worked a 16-hour shift at the hospital. She had been caring for patients all day and didn't want to come home, after a long shift and care for her man, too. Angry, she ignored him, pretending she didn't hear him.
"Mel.....didn't you hear me! What's wrong with you? I said, bring me a damn beer from the refrigerator!" he shouted.
"Damnit.....Ray! I just pulled a double shift at the hospital and I'm still standing on my feet trying to prepare dinner for you, while you sit on your ass and get drunk. You got a lot of nerve Ray! Get up and get it your damn self!" angry she said.
Raymond had quit his job three-weeks after moving in with Melanie. He believed as a nurse, she could afford to take care the both of them. Besides, he didn't like work, anyway. The only reason he held onto his job as a grocery store clerk, was because of his step-mother, Lorraine.
Lorraine was a tall woman huge woman whose hands were twice the size of a man. She'd been raised with six-brothers, who taught her to fight and not to take smack off of anyone. Raymond's dad, Arthur, met Lorraine at a local night club. One night, while sitting at the bar, a man approached Lorraine and asked her to dance. Although, she was large in stature, she was a beautiful woman with a warm and bubbly personality.
"Excuse me......ma'am...would you like to dance?" smiling the man asked.
"Why.....sure!" replied Lorraine. Reaching for her hand, the man led Lorraine onto the dance floor. Arthur sat quietly and watched as they swayed back and forth to the sounds of the music. Leaning forward the man whispered something into Lorraine's ear. It must have been quite amusing, because she let out a hearty laugh, which immediately angred him. Fuming, Arthur walked onto the dance floor, grabbed Lorraine shoving her onto the floor.
Shocked the man reached for Arthur, but he was too quick, side-steppping the man, he punched him in the stomach. Buckling over in pain, the man fell to the floor. Arthur reached for Lorraine as she tried to pulled herself off the floor.
"Where do you think you're going, TRAMP!" angry shouted Arthur. As he grabbed a hold to her, she spotted a empty beer mug sitting on the small table. Quick, she grabbed the mug and swinging it as hard as she could, she hit Arthur upside his head, causing a deep gash to open over his eye.
Immediately, blood began to gush from the wound. Afraid that Lorraine had caused serious injury to his eye (blinded by the blood) he began to scream. "Please.....somebody...help me! I'm about to lose my eye! Call the ambulance.....call anybody, but somebody please help me"
"Now ain't you the big man" said Lorraine with her hands on her hips. 'You ain't going to die.....so you might as well stop screaming like you are. Why is that men like you, don't feel strong until you're beating on a woman, anyway. But, let's get one thing straight. I've had to fight my brothers all my life and I've never had no fool man to hit me, and I'm sure as hell ain't gonna start now!
After that night, Arthur never put his hands on Lorraine, again. Neither did he ever speak an unkind word. Therefore, when Raymond went to live with them, he thought his dad had grew soft and was no longer the man, he'd admired nor respected. So, when asked by Melanie to move in, he jumped at the chance.
However, three-weeks after moving in, he quit his job. Noticing that he hadn't been to work in a week, Melanie confronted him.
"Baby......it's been over a week and you haven't been to work. Are you on vacation or something?" concerned she asked.
"Naw.....baby.....I didn't want to worry you about it. But....uhm....I got laid off" he lied.
"Laid off......?" puzzled she replled.
"Yeah...baby....things are tight at the store. You know how it goes...last one hired, first one fired" lying he said.
"Well....you're going to go out looking for another job soon, right? curious she asked.
"Yeah.....of...course..baby" mumbling he lied.
After about a month, he began to drink excessively. On a number of occasions, she would come home and find him passed out on the couch in a drunken stupor.
"What did you say, Bitch!" Raymond shouted. 'I know you aren't taking that tone of voice with me! "You know......Mel....you are stupid! Look at you....just look at you...standing there with your mouth opened!" he shouted. 'Are you surprised Mel....is that it!".
Raymond stood in the middle of the living room with his arms folded glaring at Melanie. His face was distorted and his eyes were cold and dark.
"Did I ask you to fix me something to eat....uh...Mel..? Why are you trying to act like a housewife anyway! You seem to forget, I slept in your bed the first night I met you! You can't be a housewife, when you're a WHORE!" viciously he yelled.
"Who are you yelling at, Ray? And who in the hell do you think you're calling a whore!" angry Melanie replied.
Without warning, Raymond rushed into the kitchen and grabbed Melanie by the hair. Pulling her head back, he raised his hand and leaned forward, slapping her hard across the face. The impact of the blow reeled her back on her heels. Stumbling she fell onto the floor, looking at Raymond in fear and horror.
"How dare you talk back to me, BITCH!" he screamed with his fists balled.
With her hand on her face, she looked at Raymond confused and with disbelief. She couldn't believe this sweet, kind and loving man would put his hands on her. Of course, she had heard the stories about him. Her bestfriend Taja, and tried to warn her about him, the first day they met. When she'd asked Raymond about the rumors she heard that he beat up on women, he made her believe it was the woman's fault.
"Baby.....I don't know Taja and everybody is telling lies about me. Mel...I've never hit a woman in my life. Now....I will admit that I've had to punch a woman before. But, baby.....my hitting her was in self-defense. She pulled a knife on me and we struggled as I tried to take the knife from her. But, she wouldn't give the knife up and when I got her in a position to take the knife away from her, I slapped her in an effort to get her to quickly release the knife" he said pretending to be the victim.
But, today she realized that it wasn't Ray who was the victim. No....Raymond was the victimizer, she thought. As he shouted at her with spit spewing from his mouth, she smelled the stench of alcohol on his breath. Grabbing her from the floor, he reached back and slapped her hard in the face, once more. The force of the blow, was so strong that it caused her to stumble backwards with her back hitting the stove.
"Oh.....oh....my God, Ray! What is wrong with you? What's going on here? I think you hurt my back" weakly she said writhing in pain.
"Shet up....bitch! Ain't nothing wrong with your back! You see Mel....things are about to change around here! As a matter of fact, you better stop that snooty bitch, Taja from calling here. She always has something negative to say about me!" he snapped.
Lying near the stove in a fetal position, she looked at Raymond like a lost child as tears formed in her eyes. "Is this the man, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with? Taja, was right. How could I mis-read the signs. Just the other day, she told me to be careful and recognize the signs of abuse. She told me most abusers exert their power through dominance, humilation, isolation, intimidation and threats. Today, he demonstrated each one. What am I to do?" she thought with tears streaming down her face.
"Yeah, I listen on the phone, when she calls. Always talking about what she won't deal with from a man! Yo...she better be glad she don't have a real man, like me. Cause, I'd be puttin' sho nuff foot in her behind. Yeah....her best bet is too stay with the sucker she's with!" he snapped.
Standing over Melanie, he bent down and putting his index finger in her face, he pushed hard up against her nose. A million thoughts ran through her mind, as she trembled in fear. She tried covering her face, as it began to swell. But, each time she'd reached for her face, he'd knock her hands away and call her names.
"You are nothing, but a slut!" he shouted. "You are just like every other woman I know. Always trying to control a man with your damn mouth. You whores, are all alike. So, why should I treat any of you bitches, differently. Now git yo' ass up off the floor and get me a damn beer! nastily he said.
From that day forward, the abuse came regularly for Melanie. After each beating, Raymond would apologize and plead for her forgiveness. On other occasions, he would claim it was her fault for the abuse, and said that she wasn't satisifed in their relationship until she was being beaten.
Now, the once beautiful, intelligent and vibrant young woman had become lost in a paralyzing cycle of domestic violence. Fear, humilation, intimidation and isolation soon began to chip away, at her self-esteem, self-love, self-worth and self-respect. As the beatings grew, so did the sexual abuse.
Raymond thoughts of grandeur, along with his pompous attitude, led him to believe he was far more superior than the female, and therefore he was supposed to treat a woman as a subject, rather than a human being. And, why not? As a young man, his father taught him that physical and sexual assualt was the key to maintaining control over a woman. Therefore, after each beating he would force Melanie to have sex with him. If she refused, he would make accusations that she was having sex with someone else.
Whereby, after each sexual encounter with him, Melanie began to withdraw even more from her family and friends. Soon denial, guilt and blame began to show its ugly head. "How could she tell anyone about the abuse?" she thought. 'After all, I led everyone to believe that Ray treated me nice and he'd never raise his hand to hit me. Besides, most of the time, it's my fault, anyway. If I could just stop making stupid mistakes which piss him off, then everything will be alright" sadly she said.
Finally after years of abuse, she was unable to tell the difference between a lie and the truth. Silently, she endured the abuse (both physical and sexual) with no one to turn too. Because, she was too afraid to tell anyone, with fear that Raymond would find out.
Research conducted by the American Heart Association provides there are numerous medical conditions referred to as a "silent killer" because they do not generate any symptoms. The most famous of all is high blood pressure. However, domestic violence is also a silent killer of both men and woman. Whereas, some victims deny the physical assault, and see the abuse (symptoms) as a root and cause of their own behavior, rather than the fault of their abuser. Whereby, these victims fail to report the abuse.
The National Center on Domestic Violence provides on the average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country every day. Further, statistics provide that in the year 2000, 1,247 women were killed by an intimate partner.
Physical assualt is never right. No one should live in fear of their partner. Many times as women we are blinded by what love really is. "Love" at times can be a temporary desire managed completely by lust. Whereas, lust has no substance and soon fades away. However, "real love" never dissapates, because it's foundation is held in the hands of our Creator. Therefore, every woman must come to the realization of what "real love" truly mean and set her sights upon the very foundation of which love was created.
The unknown Author of "There comes a time" writes:
"There comes a time you come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch...and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect."
Learn to love yourself against all odds, because it is in the value of learning to love you, that you can learn to love Him.
Be Blessed!
(copyright by Hester "Marie" Hampton)
