Fabulously 50+

Each of these women have made significant contributions as African-American Women who are "fabulously over 50". It is a wonderful time in my life to be 50+ and Fabulous. For the 50+ sisters, share how turning 50 has made you feel.

Hello.......

Hey Ladies! It's been two years since I've blogged. Fabulous things have happen in my life over the past two years. One, I turned 50 last year and it appears it has only been 6 months and I am soon to be 51. As a young woman, I never looked forward to turning the big 50. Somehow, I thought 50 meant the ending of my life. But, baby......50 is a wonderful age and I'm looking forward to turning 60. No one ever told me that I would be having such a great time at 50. My life is exactly where I want it to be. I have a loving relationship with my Father in Heaven and He has matured me into the Fabulous woman I am today. I have three (spoiled) children in which I have been fortunate to raise on my own (yes...on my own) and have had a wonderful group of friends who continue to encourage, support and be a positive influence in my life. At the end of 2012, I was promoted to a higher position with my employer. So, a lot of my time had been spent with learning my new position. God has enriched my life in so many ways and I wait with much anticipation with what He is going to do next. I'm still writing and I am excited about newest book based on a vision/dream the Lord gave to me. The book will be posted on Kindle, so when it comes out, I want you to read it and share your thoughts on the blog. Also, I will post a few excerpts from the book from time to time so you may want to read more. Lastly, I'm going to begin blogging, again. Last time, I was disappointed that I didn't get the large number of followers I'd expected. But, God had to remind that where 2 or more is gather in His name, He promises to be in the midst. Therefore, if I have only one follower of this blog, it is definitely ok. I realize that with anything, God gives the increase (Bless His Name). Therefore, I'm just going to continue to do what He would have me to do. So......ladies you can look forward to hearing from me more. I'm so excited by the things that God has before me and I want to share it with all of you. I know all of us have many testimonies and can attest to His grace and mercy. So, for those of you who are 50 or older, take some time today to share how good He has been to you. Be Blessed

"Have you drawn from the Well, lately?"

Merriam Dictionary defines a Well as: a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water.

In ancient Israel the summer months were extremely dry, and during this time people dug and carved out for themselves cisterns out of the solid rock. These cisterns were like man-made reservoirs (or wells) that would contain large amounts of water from the rain falls.

Why is water so important to us?

Water sustains all forms of life, including human life.

Water adjusts the body's temperature and assists in digestion. It removes toxins from the body and also makes necessary body fluids. The chemical reactions that support life take place in a water medium, with water being an important reactant or product of these reactions.

It can be said that the chemistry of life is water chemistry. For the body to function properly, it must be hydrated properly. Moreover, the qualities and properties of the water we drink can determine the quality of our health. Did you know that the adult human body is made up of 60-75% water and thebrain is made up of about 85% water? Also, blood which carries nutrients and oxygen throughout the body, is about 90% water.

As you can see, water carries life energy - water is your lifeline! Man is made up of three parts which are: mind, body and soul (spirit). Although it is important for man to sustain his physial body with the nutrients in which water provides. Man must also maintain his soul with nutrients (spirit) provided by the Holy Spirit.

On the last day of the Feast of Tabernacles, Jesus publicly spoke and said (John 7:37-38):

"Anyone who is thirsty may come to me! Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, 'Rivers of living water will flow from his heart.'"

What is this water, Jesus spoke of? It is Living Water, that can only be drawn from the wells of the Holy Spirit. It is the "true" water that heals the body and nourish the soul and it is available to all who ask for it.

In the 4th Chapter of the book of John, Jesus' had a conversation with a lone Samaritian woman who had come to get water from a well (known as Jacob's well) located about a half mile from the city of ASychar in Samaria:

10"If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water."

11"But sir, you don't have a rope or a bucket," she said, "and this well is very deep. Where would you get this living water?

12And besides, do you think yo're greater than our ancestor Jacob, who gave us this well? How can you offer better water than he and his sons and his animals enjoyed?"

13Jesus replied, "Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. 14But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fesh, bubbling spring within them giving them eternal life."

The Samaritan woman was extraordinary not because she came from a race of people that the Jews despised, as not having a claim to God, but she was an outcast and looked down upon by her own people. She had no friends, and came daily to the well to draw water alone. She was ostracized and marked as immoral by her peers. She was unmarried and had lived openly with five in a series of men.

As with each of us, no matter where we find ourselves in life, God is never waiting to condemn ua. He extends His grace to us, because He finds us worthy of His love in spite of our bankrupt lives. He values us enough to actively seek us, to welcome us to intimacy, and to rejoice in our worship of Him. He sees the value in each of us, even when we can't see the value for ourselves - this is His grace. Author Mannan Brenning writes in his book entitled "Ruthless Trust":

"Our trust in Jesus grows as we shift from making self-conscious efforts to be good by allowing ourselves to be loved as we are (not as we should be). The Holy Spirit moves us from head to the heart, from intellectual cognition to experiental awareness."

As with the Samaritan woman, Jesus calls to each of us to draw from Him daily, so that we will never thirst again. What is it that your thristing for, today? Is it a new house or a new car? Are you thirsting for prosperity and abundance? Could it be peace and deliverance?

Do you have a sense of awe that good things happen for everyone else, but you? Does your past keep creepting up, to hinder your presence? Have your hurts and failures, cause you to resent everything and everyone around you?

Brennan Manning, shared a phenomenal story in his book entitled "A Glimpse of Jesus", when he wrote of the unnamed sinful woman who was awed by the loveliness and compassion flowing from Jesus' face (Luke 7:36-50). Bringing an alabaster jar filled with expensive perfume she knelt down weeping, and wiped the tears which fell to His feet with her hair.

In the face of Jesus the woman saw the Savior eyes calling out to her to come unto Him. His eyes pleaded that she didn't delay until her act was cleaned up or until her head was on straight. He didn't want her to wait until she was free of pride, lust, jealousy and self-hatred. No! He wanted her just the way she was, full of brokeness, sinfulness, despair, fear, insecurities and lust. His eyes pleaded to her, as they said: "Come to me, I will comfort you. I will meet you right where you are and love you just the way you are, and not the way you think you should be (2 par. p36)".

Brennan Manning further writes: "The place that this tranformed woman occupies in Christian thought is not due to her strange, deep love for Jesus, but rather to what was wrought in her by Christ's love for her. It was Christ's love for her that delivered her from her past and made her what she became. The central truth for which her life has come to stand is that it is possible to be delivered, through love, from the lowest depths to the shining heights where God dwelleth."

It is there, when we are engulfed in the trenches of life and we thirst for a revival in our souls that we must begin to draw from the Well of Hope, which is found only in the personage of Jesus Christ.

We must remember, that no one ever cared more or will ever valued us more, than our Father in Heaven, who gave his only begotten Son, so we may come boldly before the throne of grace and find "living water" for our parched souls.

Have you drawn from the well of Jesus, lately?

Am I my brother's keeper!

"The confessing church of American Ragamuffins needs to join Mary Magdalene and Peter in witnessing that christianity is not primarily a moral code, but a grace-laden mystery; it is not essentially a philosphy of love but a love affair; it is not keeping rules with clenched fists, but receiving a gift with open hands".
Brennan Manning

As Domestic Violence Awareness month draws to an end. It is my hope that the intended articles were beneficial in providing resource information with regards to the cycle surrounding domestic abuse.

Remember, violence with intent to harm is never right! When a man (or woman) uses willful force against his partner as a means to control through fear and intimidation is wrong. Gaining the victim’s compliance, even temporarily, reinforces the perpetrator’s use of these tactics of control. More importantly, however, the perpetrator is able to reinforce his abusive behavior because of the socially sanctioned belief that men have the right to control women in relationships and the right to use force to ensure that control.

Domestic violence is a violation of women’s human rights. Violence directed against women by their intimate partners (current or former spouses, boyfriends, dating partners) is an epidemic of global proportions that has devastating physical, emotional, financial and social effects on women, children, families and communities around the world. Therefore, it is the duty of every woman to promote awareness and simply not ignore physical or mental signs of abuse among our family, neighbors, co-workers and friends.

In the book of Genesis 4:9, after Cain killed his brother Abel, the Lord asked Cain:

9"Where is your brother? Where is Abel?"

"I don't know," Cain responded. "Am I my brother's guardian?"

Cain knew he had wronged his brother and out of guilt, his only response to the Lord was "Am I brother's guardian?". Cain was like many of us, today. As Christian women, we see the sufferings of our sisters and we express the need to pray for them, without ever lending a hand to help.

Much of our christian lives should be spent maintaining and assisting on the battle field. However, we've become conditioned to Sunday School and Morning Worship, that we fail to see the lives that need to be touched outside of "church" walls.

There are lots of women who need your ears and hearts to be open to their experiences. Not in judgment, but of pure love and understanding which nourish and cultivate the soul, so that they may blossom and become the woman that God desires her to be.

Therefore, we must share our truths and speak openly of our pain, for without your adversity where would your power be? For in love's service only wounded soliders can truly serve. Brennan Manning author of the "Ragamuffin Gospel writes:

"In a world that is torn and tearing it takes a touch of folly to believe that "even when our choices are destructive and their consequences hurtful, God's love remains unwavering (pg.18)".

Further, Brennan writes:

"The mystery of our faith is this: God loves us and Jesus Christ would have died for us, even if we had been the only person on earth. Paul Tillich never tired of saying, "Faith is the courage to accept acceptance to accept that God loves me as I am and not as I should be, because I'm never going to be as I should."

It is with this same faith that we must reach out to women everywhere who have fallen victim to abuse. Our voices must align with spiritualness, love, compassion and support to assist her in removing the chains, which binds her to an abusive relationship.

Thereby, I challenge each of you to partner with a friend, co-worker, family member or someone you don't know in your communities in the continued campaign to promote awareness of violent assaults among women. Use this blog or any other available resource to educate women regarding the effects of domestic violence you may save a life as well as your own.


Be blessed!


P. S. Women don’t have to live in fear:

In the U.S., call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247.
Canada: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-363-9010.
Australia: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1800 200 526.
Or visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a worldwide list of helplines, shelters, and crisis centers.

Violent and abusive behavior is the abuser’s choice.

Despite what many people believe, domestic violence and abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his or her behavior. In fact, abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to control you.

Abusers use a variety of tactics to manipulate you and exert their power:

Dominance – Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his or her possession.

Humiliation – An abuser will do everything he or she can to make you feel bad about yourself or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.

Isolation – In order to increase your dependence on him or her, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He or she may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.

Threats – Abusers commonly use threats to keep their partners from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He or she may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.

Intimidation – Your abuser may use a variety of intimidation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.

Denial and blame – Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abusive partner may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He or she will commonly shift the responsibility on to you: Somehow, his or her violent and abusive behavior is your fault.

Abusers are able to control their behavior—they do it all the time.
Abusers pick and choose whom to abuse. They don’t insult, threaten, or assault everyone in their life who gives them grief. Usually, they save their abuse for the people closest to them, the ones they claim to love.

Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse. They control themselves until no one else is around to see their abusive behavior. They may act like everything is fine in public, but lash out instantly as soon as you’re alone.

Abusers are able to stop their abusive behavior when it benefits them. Most abusers are not out of control. In fact, they’re able to immediately stop their abusive behavior when it’s to their advantage to do so (for example, when the police show up or their boss calls).

Violent abusers usually direct their blows where they won’t show. Rather than acting out in a mindless rage, many physically violent abusers carefully aim their kicks and punches where the bruises and marks won’t show. The cycle of violence in domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:

Abuse – Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show you "who is boss."
Guilt – After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what he's done. He’s more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for his abusive behavior.
Excuses – Your abuser rationalizes what he or she has done. The person may come up with a string of excuses or blame you for the abusive behavior—anything to avoid taking responsibility.
"Normal" behavior — The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
Fantasy and planning – Your abuser begins to fantasize about abusing you again. He spends a lot of time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how he'll make you pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.
Set-up – Your abuser sets you up and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing you.

Your abuser’s apologies and loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse can make it difficult to leave. He may make you believe that you are the only person who can help him, that things will be different this time, and that he truly loves you. However, the dangers of staying are very real.

The above excerpt has been provided by Helpguide.org. Women don’t have to live in fear:

In the U.S., call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247.
Canada: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-363-9010.
Australia: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1800 200 526.
Or visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a worldwide list of helplines, shelters, and crisis centers.

HEALTHY VS. UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

If you are in an unhealthy relationship...

...you feel pressure to change to meet your partner’s standards.
...you are afraid to disagree.
...you constantly have to justify what you do, where you go, and who you see.
...you feel unheard and unable to communicate what you want.
...you find yourself making excuses for your partner.
...you don’t have any personal space and have to share everything with your partner.
...you feel isolated from friends and family.
...you feel stifled or trapped in the relationship.
...you care for only on your partner and neglect yourself.

Remember, you are also in an unhealthy relationship if these signs apply to your partner.

If you are in an unhealthy relationship...
...your partner constantly criticizes you and your ideas and actions.
...your partner makes all the decisions.
...your partner controls everything.
...your partner never listens to you.
...your partner blames you for bad things or events in his/her life.
...your partner calls you names or yells at you.
...your partner shoves, pinches, hits, punches, kicks or otherwise hurts you.
...your partner forces you to have sex.

Remember, you are in an unhealthy relationship also if these signs apply to you. Being in a healthy relationship means…

...loving, respecting, and taking care of yourself and your partner.
...respecting individuality, embracing differences, and allowing each other to be themselves.
...doing things with friends and family and having activities independent of each other.
...discussing things, allowing for differences of opinion, and compromising equally.
..expressing and listening to each other’s feelings, needs, and desires.
..trusting your partner.
...listening to each other without judgment.
...being honest with yourself and your partner.
...taking responsibility for your actions and feelings.
...respecting each other’s need and right for privacy.
...practicing safe sex.
...respecting sexual boundaries and physical space.
...being able to say no to sex or anything you’re uncomfortable with.
...resolving conflicts in a peaceful and nonviolent way.
...sharing decisions about things affecting both partners.
...having room for positive growth and learning more about each other.

Remember, love is sweet, generous and kind. It is never demeaning, hurtful or degrading. It is a feeling shared by two people, who compliment each other. When you’re sad, love is sad. When you’re happy, love is happy. It wants what is best for you and not what’s best for it. It is mutual emotions that once felt will soar you higher than you could ever imagine or believe. Love won’t ball its fists to strike at you, but it will hold out it hands to comfort you.

The Cycle of Violence

An abusive relationship is not abusive at all times. It follows a three-phase cycle known as The Cycle of Violence.

A relationship starts in the honeymoon phase. Over time, tension starts building. Usually when the abuser feels that the victim is sufficiently "hooked" into the relationship, either through marriage, moving in together or getting pregnant, the abuse starts. The honeymoon phase is what "hooks" the victim back into the relationship and keeps the cycle moving. Over time the cycle reduces to just tension/abuse and the episodes of violence get more frequent and severe.

Characteristics of Victims:

Found in all socio-economic, educational, racial and age groups.
Many battered women report violence in family of origin.
Many report marrying young to escape violent homes.
Many, but not all, witnessed some form of abuse as children.
Low self-esteem. Question their right to have any better life than they presently have.
Underestimate themselves and believe they cannot do better.
Feel powerless and believe they have no choices.
Hopeless and immobilized by the abuser taking control and have lost the ability to make independent decisions and changes.
Depression, suicide, substance abuse and psychosomatic illnesses are behaviors observed with victims.
Lack of trust due to history of isolation and feelings of helplessness.
Chronic apprehension. Agitation and anxiety about routine decisions.
Unable to relax, disturbed sleeping patterns, always on guard.
Peacekeepers. Trying to keep the home calm.
Take blame.
Feel guilty because they disturb neighbors; their children have problems and feel they are responsible for the abuse.
Usually female, although not always.
Caregivers. Desire to nurture, rescue and take care of others.

NATIONAL STATISTICS ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country every day. In 2000, 1,247 women were killed by an intimate partner. In the same year, 440 men were killed by an intimate partner (Bureau of Justice Statistics Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, February 2003).
According to estimates from the National Crime Victimization Survey, there were nearly 700,000 nonfatal violence victimizations committed by current or former spouses, boyfriends, or girlfriends of the victims during 2001. out of this number, 85% were crimes against women. (U.S. Department of Justice, Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends, March 1998).

Thirty seven percent of women who sought treatment in an emergency room for violence-related injuries were injured by a current or former intimate partner. (U.S. Department of Justice, Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends, March 1998).
Abuse in relationships exists among all classes, races and cultural groups, although women between ages 16 and 24 are nearly three times more vulnerable to intimate partner violence (Intimate Partner Violence & Age of Victim, U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics, 1999).

A recent National Crime Victimization survey found that women were 6 times more than men to experience violence at the hands of an intimate partner. Intimate partners include current or former spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, dating partners, regardless of whether they are cohabiting or not. (Violence Against Women: Estimates from the Re-designed Survey, Bureau of Justice Statistics, U.S. Dept. of Justice, 1998).

In a national study of college students, 27.5% of the women surveyed said that they had suffered rape or attempted rape at least once since age 14. Only 5% of those experiences were reported to the police. The term “hidden rape” has emerged because this survey and many other studies found that sexual assaults are seldom reported to the police. (Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control, 2003).

On September 17, 2008, seventy-eight percent of identified domestic violence programs in the United States participated in the 2008 National Census of Domestic Violence Services. See what domestic violence services were needed in your state that day.

The Link Between Intimate Partner Violence, Substance Abuse and Mental Health in California

(These statistics are provided by California Partnership to end Domestic Violence)