Are you still settling for less?

I know of a woman who for almost 20 years, was involved with a married man. For years, the man promised the young woman he would leave his wife for her.

The first 5 years of the relationship the young woman lived in bliss being the "other woman". He had a key to her home and car. Whenever, he asked she would cook him expensive meals and prepare his lunch. He had the luxury of coming into her home, whenever he wanted too. He and his wife had a young son, and whenever he wanted to spend time with the young woman, he would bring his son along with him.

This thrilled the young woman. Because he "so-called" showered her with affection and attention, she was sure the wife was not getting the same in return at home. He would take the young woman to various places, somehow the wife would get wind of it and show up to face off with the man. He would disrespect the wife in front of the young woman, which made her believe even more that he loved her and not his wife.

On more than one occasion she would ask him:

"You promised me you would leave her, when are you going, too?" "Just give it a little bit more time. I promise I'm going to leave her as soon as my son is old enough" he would lie.

Years passed and as the son grew older, there was never any mention of him leaving the wife, again. Then one day the wife moved out. Months went by before the young woman had any idea the wife was no longer in the home. One evening while in the midst of an agrument he informed her the wife had left him.

Shocked, she called her friend and informed her that after all these year of waiting for the man to leave his wife, the wife finally decided to leave him. The friend asked her:

"How long has the wife been gone?" "She's been gone for six months, now" she replied. "Well, what took him so long to tell you?" curious the friend asked. "He didn't have an answer for that" she said.

Months went by and the man never invited the young woman to dinner nor to spend some time with him at his house. The friend is more curious, now. So, one day while talking to the young woman the friend asked:

"Don't you find it strange, that since his wife is gone he hasn't even bothered to invite you over for dinner." "Oh....I'm not worried about that. I don't want to go to his house, anyway" she lied.

The friend never appreciated the fact, the young woman was cheating with a married man. So, the friend continues with the conversation:

"Well...it would worry me. I...mean...if I had been the other woman for almost 20 years and the wife moved out, I would be curious as to why I hadn't been invited to the house, let alone for dinner."

The young woman began to ponder over the conversation with her friend. Now curious herself, she called the man and started a light conversation with small talk. After several minutes of meaningless conversation she asked:

"Baby....ummm......you know you're wife moved out several months ago right? I'm curious, why haven't you invited me over to your house?" "I don't invite anybody to my house" harshly he replied.

His words cut through her like a jagged knife. For years this man dominated her life. She had given him everything. She had walked past men who wanted to cherish and adore her, because she believed that one day she would have a life with this man. She had given up 17 years of her life as the other woman, and that's the only answer he could come up with. "I don't invite anybody to my house."

She called her friend back and sobbed uncontrollably. The friend tried to console her. But, the friend had told her years before an old adage she had been taught by her grandmother. "No man can take care of two households, because one is going to lack."

Many times we women, fall prey to men who con us into believing they are going to leave their lovers or wives for us. We spend fruitless years, trying to please men who do not have our best interest at heart. We force ourselves to believe the man really do love us, when we know full well in our hearts, he don't. Sometimes, I've asked the "other woman", if he fails to show love and respect at home, what makes you think he will love and respect you.

It is time we women begin to search deep within ourselves and find the true essence of who we are. We can do this first, by studying God's Word in order to find the good things He says about us. This way, we will begin to love ourselves and understand our true, value and worth.

Secondly, we must ask men the real questions. We must stop equating lust with love. If he has a woman at home and is cheating on her, more than likely he is going to cheat on you. Somewhere we women have designed in our minds, that I'm better than she is. He loves me more. She doesn't make him feel the way, I do. Or the most famous quote of all, "I'm going to change him."

We get ourselves caught up in a spiral of lies, which we begin to believe ourselves. We sell ourselves short for a few minutes of lust, for his pleasure. We desire to be loved, so we look for love wherever we can find it. Even if it is at the cost of another sister's heart.

Aren't you good enough to be loved and cherished the way God designed it? Why would you settle for less by being his "other woman" when God has created you to be a wife?

Are you still settling for less?